i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
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