To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
