i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
