I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
