Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
