So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
