I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
