just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
