If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
