It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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