I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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