You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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