So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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