so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
