Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
