Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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