In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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