I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
