Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
