I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
