What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
