Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
