Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
