Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
