Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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