You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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