i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize