He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
