I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
