my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
worst night to have a conscience
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
