Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
