i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
