Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
you inspire me to be a worse person
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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