do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
