btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
This house was built for laser tag.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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