I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
