I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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