I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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