just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Your dad touched me again.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
