Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
