It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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