Don't make out with my wife yet
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
