i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
