is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
