he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
