whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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