So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize