You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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