Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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