when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
