well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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