she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I have fence marks all over my body
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
