In the future we'll all be gay
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So many bounce houses so little time
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
