guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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