Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
