hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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