All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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