he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
