I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
