hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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