This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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