In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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