No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
