no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i've created a new STD.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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