I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
