She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
