last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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